This weekend I was watching 27 Dresses (for like the 10th time) and when the bar scene came on, it struck a cord with me. You no, the part where Kevin asks Jane if she knows how to say 'No'. I realized that I don't know how to say 'No' and more so, I'm a pleaser.
I find myself not being able to say 'No' to things, whether it is work related or personal related. If someone asks me for help with something 99% of the time, I say 'Yes'. Invited to a party, I will ask to bring something. Getting married, I'll ask to help with whatever I can. New project at work, sure, I'll work on it.
Lately, it's happening more frequently. With my friend who's getting married, she had invitations to make and pillows to make. I insisted on making at least 4 pillows for her this week because she has other wedding stuff to do. She needed to finish a few envelopes, I stopped by and picked them up and brought them back all finished. My husband doesn't get why I am so eager to help (there's more to his argument, but I won't divulge it here). To me, I say I'm just trying to be a good friend and help out the bride. We just got married a year ago and I know how much work needs to be done.
The Luau shower that was this weekend is another example. At this point we've already picked out the menu, etc, but I took the details to a whole new level. Why? Because I want the bride to be happy and I want her to have the shower with every detail thought about and not overlooked. From the small things, like water bottle labels, wrapped silverware, and food signs to match the invites to the big things, like a luau/hawaiian themed menu, hula bear cupcakes, a photo-booth to remember the details. To me these are all things that are important to make the party, but deep down, it's because I want to bride and groom to be pleased and happy with it. I want them to feel special.
It goes on and on, I could probably give you at least 5 more examples. I think KC gets it a little bit, he understands that I just want to be helpful and I'm trying to be a good friend, etc, but I know that sometimes it annoys him. For me, sometimes I think I'm terrified to disappoint people or let them down. That they'll feel that I'm incapable or inadequate. Even though these things might cause me stress and other problems, I still can't say no and stretch myself above and beyond.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, but I do know that I'm going to try to work harder to pick and chose what I say yes to. It's ok to not do everything. It's ok to let someone else host a party. I'm sure there are some things that I'll never drop (it's common courtesy in my book to bring something to a party), but I've got to learn to stop stretching myself to the limits so often. Can I change immediately? No, it's gradual but in the long run, I know I can be a better person for myself (and for KC) if I do change even a little bit.