the post about weight

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I've been drafting this post in my head for a while now. As is the case with many bloggers I've read and many ladies in my life, there's always a battle with weight.  It seems every woman has insecurities about her weight.  I was never really insecure about my weight until mid-way through college.  In High School it didn't seem to bother me.  I knew I wasn't one of the smallest girls in class, but that's why I played soccer, basketball and softball and wasn't a Cheerleader.

These days, I tend to gage my weight by how well my clothes fit.  When I graduated college, I put on a few pounds but refused to buy new clothes when my old sizes weren't fitting me.  If I have to go up a size in something, if I don't need it that bad, I probably just won't get it.

This morning, I put on some capris and well they didn't fit that great.  No bueno.  Not happy.  I'm at a crossroads right now.  I'm running and don't do much exercise outside of race training because I want to follow the routine as much as possible.  The thought of maybe starting a family and not being able to lose that weight is scary.

About 3 years ago now (those college pounds had crept up), I did a program at the fitness center at my company that worked amazingly for me.  They measured your RMR and helped you to determine your calorie intake and how much calorie intake per day for 1 lb./wk loss, etc.  It was a 10 week program, with a weekly class.  We learned about making changes and substitutions as well as triggers for our eating and how to deal with things.  I lost about 12-15lbs and kept the weight off for a year.  

Over the next year or so, I gained some of it back (~8-10lbs) but have tried to maintain.  I'm not quite at my heaviest weight as when I started the program but I know I need to make a change to stay happy.  I tried to use the iPhone - 'Lose It' app a few months ago, but became frustrated, I don't measure my food portions well.  I know what I should and shouldn't eat in terms of kinds of food and try to stick with them now.  It's a lifestyle change, I realized that back then.  I've done fairly well at eating more on the healthy side of things with a few small indulgences here and there, but I haven't been able to stay where I should be.

I know I need to go back to tracking my intake and controlling my portions, so that is my first step.  I'm considering a few changes to make as well:

• Body Bug
• Cutting back to 1-2 Diet Cokes a week vs. 1/day
• When drinking (alcohol), limit to 1-2 beverage maximum.
• Not doing 1/2 marathon training and working towards gym visits and workouts instead
• Accountability - I've tried to make deals with myself before, no shopping, no this or that until, but it doesn't work.  I'm thinking more of when I get here, then I can do this/get this.

Right now, I'm on a path to figure out what is going to work for me to make me comfortable.  I don't have goals of being 'skinny', I just want to be comfortable and happy.  It's not really about the number on the scale, but about the way I look and the way my clothes fit.  I've done it before, I know I can do it again.  I just need to find my commitment to it.

I won't be blogging much about getting there, so don't worry, this hasn't turned into a weight loss blog, but it is something that is going to play a big part in my life in the coming months so don't be surprised if you see a few posts about it.