My person

My first post on friendship, came right when I found out that M was coming to visit you were all really supportive.  Since then, M was here visiting for 5 days and we had a blast.  During my vacation the week before last I was with M again for 4 days at her grandparents cottage on Seneca Lake, and it was so much fun I wish we could have stayed longer.  I've been doing more thinking on friendship.

In the 2 years or so M and I have 're-kindled' our friendship from college.  Being on opposite sides of the country was really hard on me to begin with.  I'd had the friends that were far away and it was really hard to keep in touch with them.  We kept our calls to an average of 2 every 3 months, and still sent birthday cards and gifts, etc.  After we got engaged I knew she would be in my bridal party, no questions asked, she's the one who gets me.  When she came home for my wedding she asked me to be her MOH and I was thrilled (she broke off her engagement a few months later).  Our conversations usually last 2hrs.  Mostly we call while one of us is out running errands or at home cooking dinner, cleaning, etc.  Our chats on the phone are every 2-3 weeks again, but we chat on google chat during the day as well.  During our last conversation, she talked about the possibility of her moving here (or to the East Coast in general) next year.  She also said that when the time comes that we do start a family, she's saving a week of vacation to come visit if she hasn't moved yet.  We just talk, about whatever.  There's no struggle, there's no awkwardness, there's no holding back.

The point of this post isn't so much about her, as much as it is about 'my person', the one who gets me, the one who's opinion I want, the one who is always there for me, the one who I can call no matter what, the one who cherishes the same things as me.  My friends are great, but they can't all be 'my person'.  M, she's my person.  The older I get the more I realize how much I need that person to be there for me as well as KC.

Anyone else have a 'person'?  Please tell me I'm not the only one who has 2hr phone conversations with a friend either.  :-)  

P.S.  I should have started off by saying, I love my husband, he is wonderful and he is also 'my person', but girl friendships they're different.

Bonus points to whomever knows the TV show 'my person' is from?  

My friends took bets,

on when we would have a baby.  I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but it came up in conversation with my friends the other day and I wanted to blog about it.

To recap, there's KC and I, plus 2 other couples getting married in the next year and 4 (very) single guys in my group of friends we frequently hang out with. Turns out that after they wedding (while we were on our honeymoon) they all bet $5 and gave a number of months after the wedding to when they thought we would be pregnant.   A few of them have lost already, a few of them are close to their bets and some are 6 months or so away.  Mind you I have not discussed any of this with them, only here and with 1 girlfriend.

We don't get together with them more than once a week lately because we're so busy, but regardless it comes up in conversation almost every time.  Why do my friends find it so interesting to discuss our time in the bedroom.  As a matter of fact, when we were at the beach for my birthday, one of the guys and I were standing at the water's edge and he says, "So Lauren, what are my chances of winning this bet?  I've only got 10 more days."  I just looked at him and said, "I'm sorry to say you will not be winning this bet."

Umm, hello, if we had a kid, I think we might lose half the single guys as friends and they'd never hang out with us or come over again, only talk to KC at work.  I can't even imagine their reaction, partially because I can no longer be the 'group mom' and make sure stuff gets done, but that's a story for a different post.

Yeah so, my friends took bets the week after we were married about when we would be pregnant.  My parents aren't even bugging me about grandkids but my friends bring it up in conversation almost once a week.  If they weren't so fun sometimes, I'd start looking for new ones!

A perspective on friends

The other day, I found out that my best friend M, that lives in CA, is coming to NC the weekend of my Birthday and I am beyond thrilled (one more thing to adding to my hurry up and get here list).  I am so excited that she's going to come to our home and visit us, it's a first.  It got me thinking about friendships and traveling.  I'll give you a little background at first. 

I come from a small city in Upstate NY (like really far - I can see Canada - Upstate) and moved to Western NY for college.  I kept up with my best friend from high school throughout college as she was only 20 minutes away, but it wasn't the easiest friendship to keep up with.  In the later years, I went to visit her at her school more frequently, and I became friends with some of her friends (girls) as well.  I don't want to go into what happened, so I'll call it somewhat of a falling out ensued, and put more strain on my relationship with my high school friend.  

Most of my friends at my college were boys (except for M).  (Side note:  M and I had numerous discussions about how hard it was to meet 'girls' at our school to be friends.  We sometimes felt like the two most 'normal' girls in our classes.  This might sound weird to you but in our major we were 2 of the 6 girls in a class of 125 that graduated together, so we were surrounded by few girls to begin with.)

Following graduation KC and I moved to NC, M moved to CA and the others stayed in the North East (NE).  The guys I hung out with scattered and I only stayed friends with one.  That one guy has since moved and fallen off of the face of the planet.  I talked with most of the girls every 1-2 months.  Lately it's dwindled down to less (and sometimes just an email).  M and I talk(ed) as frequently as possible, sometimes weekly, sometimes, monthly, depends on the situation, what's going on in our lives, but nothing has changed in our friendship over the years (heck we went 3 years without seeing one another after graduation).  The frequency does not impact us at all and that is something I continue to cherish. 

With M's impending visit, it got me thinking:  What happened to my (other) old friends?  Why is it so hard to meet new (local) friends?  When did friendships change?  

I feel like getting married really changed things for our (mostly single) friends here.  When we were just dating it wasn't a big deal but being married we don't see things the same way as them anymore.  We have different goals and ideas.  I find it hard to make new friends sometimes, I don't have that out-going personality, but that's for another post.  The other girls graduated as well, got jobs and some are married themselves.  Everyone has a different life now.

I've lived here for a couple of years and our visitors have been limited to family, 1 college friend, local friends and now M.  I was really shocked when I realized this.  First, I got upset that people didn't visit, or make the effort to see us.  I can't say that we 100% go visit them but every time we are in the NE we make and effort to connect with them on some level.  Then I realized that me being upset is really not justified, it's simply me being selfish.  We all have (different) lives to live and vacations to take and things to do.  Friendships change and evolve over time.  

I used this quote in my senior profile for my high school yearbook and I think it puts things into perspective:

“We all take different paths in life,
  but no matter where we go,
  we take a little of each other everywhere.”

~ Tim McGraw

This really puts things into perspective for me.  At some point in my life I knew someone and somewhere down the road our paths diverged, and it's probably nothing either of us did.  But I will always carry those friendships with me.  There are pieces of those times that made me who I am today.  I will still do whatever I can to make it work and do whatever I can to see these people and continue a relationship with them.  If they need something, then I am there however I can be.  If they return later on then, that's a gift to me. 
 

"A friend is a gift you give yourself."

~Robert Louis Stevenson

For now, I'll give my current friendships my all.  Do whatever I can to make them ever-lasting and appreciate every last one of them. 

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had friendships that change over the course of time.  Were you surprised at how friendships changed after high school? college? marriage?

My own "My Boys"

Source

I went out to the bar (our version of Crowley's) last week for dinner and a drink and there were 7 of us, 6 "boys" and me. I feel like I'm living in my own Raleigh version of "My Boys".

Left to Right:  Mike, Kenny, Bobby, PJ, Andy, Brendan (Source)

It made me think, I have my own version of everyone.  Some are quite similar to the characters on tv too!

• Bobby (actually he was dating P.J. last season) - The hubs - loves baseball and has the "nice guys finish first" attitude (no hubs didn't call off a wedding prior to ours)


• Brendan - Brendan - no really, my friend's name is Brendan, dating or in a relationship - maybe, depends on the week, care free and always has interesting ventures to pursue


• Andy - Bryan - not my real brother - or married, but he's very much like him in with a 'stuck in the middle' mentality, as the oldest he can't decide to be the responsible adult or go out for a pitcher of beer


• Mike - Jason - a toss up really,  he's the perpetually single guy, who could be a hit with the ladies,  he would be a great catch


• Kenny & Stephanie -  Matt & Fav Roommate - They had an encounter and started seeing one another behind everyone's back (only I knew).  My friends are now getting married this fall, I'm waiting to hear about Kenny & Stephanie.  (They weren't out this Thursday evening in particular)

(I think TBS needs to update their character descriptions a little.)

There are still 2-3 more guys that hang out as well on a regular basis.  One just got engaged so that brings another girl into the mix, but she doesn't always come.  On a normal dinner outing, there are 5-6 boys and myself.  If we all went out we might be a little bit more balanced, but that only happens on rare occasions.

Here we are at the beach-house we rented in 2008, plus 2 extras.  (Big guy in the back moved to SLC and one girl (far right, floor) no longer hangs out with us)

Minus the couple on the far left, here's my own "My Boys" cast at our wedding last year (May 2009). (Taken By)

Sometimes I think I need to find some more girl friends or that these boys need to find some girls on the dating scene, but there are other times when it doesn't bother me that much.  Like PJ, I work in a male-dominated field and it can have it's pluses and minuses.  I usually take my share of the jokes, but have also been known to dish out a few without missing a beat.

Luckily we have a few other couple friends (the ones in the far left in the above photo) that we hang out with on other occasions, otherwise I might not be able to handle all the testosterone.  I would love a good girls night or couples night but I know that will come in time as we all grow up and make new friends.  Plus, I would only trade 1 or 2 of them in for a girl or another couple (kidding, kidding!).

Looks like "My Boys" is returning this fall, until then, I like my own version.  :-)